Drew Barrymore Monologues

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.

Let me tell you something, I don't care about being your stupid prom queen. I'm 25 years old. I'm an undercover reporter for the Chicago Sun Times and I've been beating my brains out trying to impress you people. Let me tell you something Gibby, Kirsten, Kristin, you will spend your lives trying to keep others down because it makes you feel more important. Why her? Let me tell you about this girl she is unbelievable. I was new here and she befriended me no questions asked. But you, you were only my friend after my brother, Rob, posed as a student and told you to like me. All of you people, there is a big world out there... bigger than prom, bigger than high school and it won't matter if you were the prom queen, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.

You know, Adelie penguins, they spend their whole lives looking for that one other penguin and when they meet them, they know. And they spend the rest of their lives together.

Somebody once said, "To write well, you have to write what you know." Well, here is what I know…

The right guy, he's out there. I'm just not gonna go kiss a whole bunch of losers to get to him.

Rob, your not going to believe it, I made friends with a whole table of rastafari. Not just one, a whole table… You know what's a weird word? Fork. Oh my God, someone ate my entire pie! I don't know how that happened!

I wish to address the issue of this gentleman. He is my servant, and I am here to pay the debt against him.

I can pay you twenty gold francs.

I demand you release him at once, or I shall take this matter to the King!

He is not property at *all*, you ill-mannered tub of guts! Do you honestly think it right to chain people like chattel? I demand you release him at once!

A servant is not a thief, your Highness, and those who are cannot help themselves.

If you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?

It is not fair, sire. You have found my weakness, but I have yet to learn yours.

A bird may love a fish, signore, but where will they live?

I want you to know that I will forget you after this moment, and never think of you again. But you, I am quite certain, will think about me every single day for the rest of your life.

All I ask, Your Majesties... is that you show her the same courtesy that she has bestowed upon me.

Is that what I am, your problem? I have done everything you've asked me to do and still you deny me the only thing I ever wanted!

What do you think? You are the only mother I have ever known. Was there ever a time, even in its smallest measurement, that you loved me at all?

Signore, my name is Danielle de Barbarac, and I am but a servant.

It belongs to a peasant, Your Highness, who only pretended to be a courtier to save a man's life.

The Prince has read "Utopia"?

I... take it you do not converse with many peasants.

Excuse me, sire, but there is nothing "natural" about it. A country's character is defined by its "everyday rustics," as you call them. They are the legs you stand on and that position demands *respect,* not...

Well, you gave one man back his life, but did you even glance at the others?

I... I fear the only name to leave you with... is Comtesse Nicole de Lancret.

And you own all the land there is and yet you take no pride in working it! Is that not also a contradiction?

You have *everything*, and still the world holds no joy; and yet you insist on making fun of those who *would* see it for its possibilities.

I suppose it is because when I was young my father would stay up late and read to me. He was addicted to the written word and I would fall asleep listening to the sound of his voice.

Science, philosophy... I suppose they remind me of him. He died when I was eight. Utopia was the last book he brought home.

I would rather hear his voice again than any sound in the world.

My father was an excellent swordsman, monsieur. He taught me well. Now hand me that key or I swear on his grave I will slit you from navel to nose.

I would rather die a thousand deaths than see my mother's dress on that spoiled, selfish cow!

You were born to privilege, and with that comes specific obligations.

I am sorry. My mouth has run away with me again.

Well, you gave one man back his life but did you even glance at the others?

I would walk right up to him and say, 'Your Highness, my family is your family, please take them away!'

Where are the candlesticks, and the tapestries, and the silver? Perhaps the dress is with them!