Christopher Walken Monologues

From now on, nothing goes down unless I'm involved. No blackjack no dope deals, no nothing. A nickel bag gets sold in the park, I want in. You guys got fat while everybody starved on the street. Now it's my turn.

When the D.A's office investigated the sudden death of Arty Clay, they found that he left a $13 million estate. How do you explain that? There there's Larry Wong, who owned half of Chinatown when he passed away. Larry used to rent his tenements to Asian refuges, his own people, for $800 a month to share a single toilet on the same floor. How 'bout King Tito? He had thirteen-year-old girls hooking for him on the street. Those guys are dead because I don't want to make money that way. Emil Zappa, the Mata brothers, they're dead because they were running this city into the ground.

I spent half my life in prison. I never got away with anything, and I never killed anybody that didn't deserve it.

You think ambushing me in some nightclub's gonna stop what makes people take drugs? This country spends $100 billion a year on getting high, and it's not because of me. All that time I was wasting in jail, it just got worse. I'm not your problem. I'm just a businessman.

Well, I must've been away too long because my feelings are dead. I feel no remorse.

I've got a $250,000 contract on any cop involved with this case.

I've lost a lot of time. It's gone. From here on, I can't waste any. If I can have a year or two, I'll make somethin' good. I'll do somethin'...

... somethin' good. Just one year, that's all.

You should be more careful of the affairs you attend, Counselor. One is known by the company one keeps.

Wow. I must have been away too long because... my feelings are dead. I, uh... I feel no remorse. It's a terrible thing.

They make this sound like "woo, woo, woo!" Coyote bitch gets in heat. First thing she does, she take care of the males. Then she heads toward town. All the neighborhood dogs, they smell her. They go crazy. They follow her. She lures them out on to the desert. Coyote get dog out there… alone. All the other coyote come along, they circle 'round… they kill that dog, eat it. Tommy, if you go in front of that grand jury, what will you say?

That's Tony Pine - he's epileptic.

Most people who drive through here see farms. Houses, and fields, and shit. I see money, I see things, everything got my name writ' on it!

I just bought this car. It's cherry. Will you give me $4600 for her?

You go out with us once or twice. See how it is, then you decide if you still want it. 'Cause if you do, that's it. It's blood. Don't break it.

I already give you a car. That don't mean nothing. I gotta see something in you. I gotta see you got something. Right here. Between the legs. Then I'll give you a real present.

That's not right. You wanna talk to me, you talk in private. I'll tell you something, that girl is trouble. She's nice, she's young, big mouth. You stick by us, you stick by me. You can see this is a group, you don't violate that. Take her home. Don't ever do that again. Okay? Don't even mind, it's okay. Look, everything work out fine.

The ICE… is gonna BREAK!

"Bless me"? You know what God did for me? He threw an 18-wheel truck at me! Bounced me into nowhere for five years! When I woke up, my-my-my girl was gone, my job was gone, my legs are just about useless. Bless me? God's been a real sport to me!

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting, on the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door, and his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, and the lamp light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor, and my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor, shall be lifted... nevermore.

I keep thinking about a line from a book. It's "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"; the last thing I gave my class to read before... the accident. Ichabod Crane disappears.; the line goes: "As he was a bachelor, and in nobody's debt, nobody troubled their head about him anymore."

That's what I want. It's what I want.

Your daughter's screaming. The house is burning. Your daughter's in the house. It's not too late.

If you could go back in time to Germany, before Hitler came to power, knowing what you know now, would you kill him?

I've been tutoring this boy named Stuart. In the vision, I saw him drown. But that's not the point. In the vision, something was missing.

It was like... a blank spot, a dead zone.

His father wanted him to play hockey. I talked him out of it. The boy's alive.

I can change it.

Your father says there's something wrong with you, he wants me to bring you out of your shell. I don't know what to do.

Next I want you to read 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow', you'll love it, this school teacher finds himself being chased by a headless demon.