Bruce Willis Monologues

Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.

I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, you got it.

Uh, Noonan's got two women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like you to… bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?

Um, Bear would like to stay at the…

"White horse"?

White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that.

For god's sakes, think about what you're doin'. Why are you listening to someone that's a 100,000 miles away? We're here, nobody down there can help us. So if we don't get this job done, everybody's gone.

I have been drilling holes in the earth for 30 years. And I have never, NEVER missed a depth that I have aimed for. And by God, I am not gonna miss this one, I will make 800 feet.

I know it baby. But there won't be anything to be scared of soon. Gracie, I want you to know that AJ saved us. He did. I want you to tell Chick, that I couldn't have done it without him. None of it. I want you to take care of AJ. And I wish I could be there to walk you down the aisle, but I'll... I'll look in on you from time to time, okay honey? I love you Grace.

None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?

And this is the best that you c - that the-the government, the *U.S. government* can come up with? I mean, you-you're NASA for cryin' out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You-you're the guys that think this shit up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?

Houston, you have a problem. You see, I promised my little girl that I'd be comin' home. Now I don't know what you people are doing down there, but we've got a hole to dig up here!

I'm gonna give you three seconds to shut this bomb down, and then I'm gonna make you shoot me.

Shut up! Just shut up! Shut your mouth! Those men in that room have zero tolerence for showin' off, hot doggin', going by your gut instinct or you tryin' to be a hero. You got that? Say the words, A.J.

You know, A.J., there's not a job on the planet I want you to work with me on. I mean that.

I don't want to talk about time travel because if we start talking about it then we're going to be here all day talking about it, making diagrams with straws.

This is a piece of indentifying information on the Rainmaker. He's here. He lives here now. In this county. And I'm gonna use this to find him. And I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna stop him from killing my wife.

My memory's cloudy. It's a cloud. Because my memories aren't really memories. They're just one possible eventuality now. And they grow clearer or cloudier as they become more are less likely. But then they get to the present moment, and they're instantly clear again. I can remember what you do after you do it. And it hurts.

Yes, but this is a precise description of a fuzzy mechanism. It's messy.

He's gonna take everything YOU got, and everything I got!

The Rainmaker came out of nowhere and in the span of six months took total control of the five major syndicates.

But he didn't have an army. Legend is he did it alone.

Here's the thing, Cooper. With age… comes a certain perspective. I'd be a liar if I said there wasn't a time when I was exactly like you. Blind ambition. Misplaced trust.

It may help me to decide what to do next.

Our business is a very hard one. But it was never the, uh… the killing or the stress, the bad pay that bothered me.

It's how anything that you love... can be taken away from you. It taught me never to care. Never to invest. Then I met this woman. Sarah. And now you have her. Now I can't think of anything more horrible than to know that your enemies can hurt someone you love. The feeling is almost indescribable.

Don't get me wrong, I know it's crazy. Don't think that, I don't think that this crazy. And it couldn't be more different than how I'd hoped to meet you for the first time.

But you know sometimes things happen. And I just hope that one day, you and I will be sitting somewhere comfortably and look back on this as the great big adventure that it is.

An old man dies. A young woman lives. A fair trade. I love you, Nancy.

Sometimes the truth doesn't matter like it ought. But you'll always remember things right. That's gonna mean a lot to me. But stay away, Nancy. They'll kill you if you don't stay away. Don't visit me. Don't write me. Don't even say my name.

Sure, Bob. You'll call for back-up. And we'll sit on our hands while that Roark brat gets his sick thrills from victim number four. Victim number four! Nancy Callahan. Age 11. She'll be raped and slashed to ribbons. And that back-up we're waiting on will just happen to show up late enough to let Roark get back home to his U.S. Senator daddy and everything will be fine until Junior gets the itch again.

Nancy's car. Six miles from the farm. "Nobody but me can keep this heap running" she told me. Good girl. The car stalled out on that yellow bastard and you didn't tell him how to start it up again. You kept your mouth shut. I'll bet Junior was furious.

Just one hour to go. My last day on the job. Early retirement. Not my idea. Doctor's orders. Heart condition. Angina, he calls it. I'm polishing my badge and getting used to the idea of saying goodbye to it. It and the 30 odd years of protecting and serving and tears and... blood and terror... triumph it represents. I'm thinking about Ilene's slow smile, bout the thick, fat steak she picked up at the butchers today. I'm thinking about the one loose end I haven't tied up. A young girl who's out there somewhere, helpless in the hands of a drooling lunatic.

I think I can go now. Just needed to do a couple of things. I needed to help someone; I think I did. And I needed to tell you something: You were never second, ever. I love you. You sleep now. Everything will be different in the morning.

Once upon a time there was this person named Malcolm. He worked with children. He loved it. He loved it more than anything else. And then one night, he found out that he made a mistake with one of them. He couldn't help that one. And he can't stop thinking about it, he can't forget. Ever since then, things have been different. He's not the same person that he used to be. And his wife doesn't like the person that he's become. They barely speak anymore, they're like strangers. And then one day Malcolm meets this wonderful little boy, a really cool little boy. Reminds him a lot of the other one. And Malcolm decides to try and help this new boy. 'Cause he feels that if he can help this new boy, it would be like helping that other one too.

Wanna play a game? It's a mind-reading game. Here's how it works. I read your mind. If what I say is right, you take one step towards the chair. If what I say is wrong, you take one step back… towards the doorway. If you reach the chair, you sit down. If you reach the door, you can go. Wanna play?

Okay... When your mother and father were first divorced, your mom went to see a doctor like me, and he didn't help her. So you think I'm not going to be able to help you.

Free association writing is when you take a pencil in your hand and you put the pencil to a peice of paper and you start writing. You don't look at or think about what you're writing. And after a while, you keep writing long enough, words and thoughts come out that you didn't even know you had in you. It could be something you heard, something you saw, or feelings you had deep inside of you. Have you done any free association writing, Cole?

Do you know what "Yo no quiero morir" means? It's Spanish. It means "I don't want to die." What do you think these ghosts want when they talk to you? I want you to think about it, Cole. I want you to think about it really carefully.