Billy Bob Thornton Monologues

When I was still just a kid, I remember my father telling me what he thought that it took for a man to be happy. Simple things, really. A wife he loves, a decent job, friends and neighbors who like and respect him. And for a while there, without hardly even realizing it, I had all that. I was a happy man.

There are days when I manage not to think of anything at all. Not the money... Or the murders... Or Jacob. Days when Sarah and I try to pretend we're just like everyone else... as if none of it ever happened. Those days are few and far between.

Why would… why would anyone believe it? I mean… let's just think about this. If you and I both go into Carl's office tomorrow afternoon and we both claimed the other one killed Dwight Stephanson who do you think he's going to believe, huh? You? A 40 year old unemployed high school drop-out who's proud of people calling him the town drunk or me? I've got a job. I don't get drunk and… and scream obscenities at my wife in public, I don't pass out on other people's doorways. I wonder who he's going to believe. Yeah… now we're all back in the same boat again. Isn't that right Jacob?

You seem to have forgotten we're all in this together.

You gonna start playing big brother now teaching me how to drink my whiskey?

Nobody gets hurt by us keeping it. I mean, that's what, that's what makes it a crime, doesn't it? Somebody getting hurt?

Yeah, but nobody's gonna get caught. The money is the only evidence that we've done something wrong. We sit on it, we see what happens. If somebody comes searching for it, then we just burn it and that will be that. There's no risk. We'll always be in control.

Like the one to take the money back to the plane, and we end up killing Stephanson. Or maybe the one where we tape Lou and two more people end up dead. Is that the sort of plan you're thinking of? Well, I've got a plan! I'm taking the money back right now, all of it!

Those things are always waiting on something to die, so they can eat it, right? Weird… What a weird job.

Hank, do you ever feel evil? I do.

I wish somebody else had found that money.

You know we don't have one thing in common me and him, except maybe our last name. You're more like a brother to me than he is.

God, Hank, you know, I've never, I've never even kissed a girl before. And you know what? If being rich will change that, I'm all for it. I don't care. I just wanna feel it, you know? I just wanna know what people do, you know? I don't care if it's 'cause of the money.

Hank, Dad killed himself, you know that?

On Jacksborough Road, that's like that ramp is where he went everyday. He don't go the wrong way over on a ramp like that. He'd been on that thing 8,000 times a year, you know. You think all of a sudden he forgot his way? Good grief. He figured that insurance would be… You know, it'd take care of the whole deal. He wanted to, you know…

You know that, Hank? I mean think about it.

You know, maybe I can get a family of my own now. I mean, with the money and all. Don't you think somebody would marry me if I'm rich?

Oh, her. Yeah. That was a whole different deal. That was… her friends, they pitched in 100 bucks altogether and bet her that she wouldn't go steady with me for a month.

I don't know, it... it weren't that bad. I mean actually... it was kind of cool. We used to walk around together a lot, you know. Take walks, you know? And, uh, we talked about all kind of cool stuff. I held hands with her one time. We were walking around, but my hand sweated so much, she kind of had to let it go. I was nervous, I guess. But it was cool. When the month was over, she, uh... you know, kinda would say hi to me sometimes in the hallway when I'd see her. She didn't have to do that. That was cool of her.

This is… this is the only thing. See, I don't wanna sit around the rest of my life thinking of this shit. I can't do it. Sit on the porch and drink. I can't do it, so you're gonna have to do it.

You can do this, it's gonna be perfect for you. And you got something. You got something to go on for, Hank, and you know it. I don't wanna be here.

Come on, Hank. Let me do something. You just tell the little girl that I… that, you know, the bear was from me. You know?

If you love me, Hank, you'll do it.

You see this… You see the way this guy drinks. You see Hank take a drink of that whiskey. It's like… it's like…

Like fucking you know like... what is this like? Some kind of commercial? For... Preparation 'X' or something like that. Like he lives on Primrose Lane. Drink like some God damn bird or something.

You ever seen anybody drink like that before?

I don't... I don't drink like that. My dad didn't drink like that.

If this guy's a dope dealer, then... like we're talking about, then that means we're like Robin Hood.

You know, we should never have let him keep that money.

No, I'm not shittin'. We shouldn't - We shouldn't have done that. We should have never let him keep that money.

Look how he's looking at us like he's fucking better than us. Like you own us or something.

Hey, Hank? I'm gonna be happy now, right?

Yeah, that's right. We all are.

I'll give you a chance. I won't look at you. I won't look at you, Hank. But if you don't do it... then I'm gonna do it, and then we're both gonna be fucked, aren't we? And we don't need to both be fucked. I'll... I'll do it, Hank, I'm telling you I will.

Boy, it's funny about finding this fucking plane, wasn't it?

I don't reckon you have to go with women to be a good daddy to a boy. You been real square-dealin' with me. The Bible says two men ought not lay together. But I don't reckon the Good Lord would send anybody like you to Hades. That Frank, he lives inside of his own heart. That's an awful big place to live in. You take good care of that boy.

I learned to read some. I read the Bible quite a bit. I can't understand all of it, but I reckon I understand a good deal of it. Them stories you and Mama told me ain't in there. You ought not done that to your boy. I studied on killing you. Studied on it quite a bit. But I reckon there ain't no need for it if all you're gonna do is sit there in that chair. You'll be dead soon enough and the world 'll be shut of ya. You ought not killed my little brother, he should've had a chance to grow up. He woulda had fun some time.

I don't think anything bad ought to happen to children. I think the bad stuff should be saved up for the people whose grown up. That's the way I see it.

I reckon what yousa wantin' to know is why I'm in here. Reckon the reason I'm in here is cause I've killed somebody, mhm. But I reckon what yousa wantin' to know is how come mea killed somebody, so I'll start at the front and tell ye, mhm... I lived out back of my mother and father's place mosta my life in a little old shed that my daddy had built fur me, mhm. They didn't too much want me up there in the house with the rest of 'em, mhm. So mustley I just sat around out there in the shed and looked at the ground, mhm. I didn't have no floor out there, but I had me a hole dug out to lay down in. Quilt or two tu put down there, mhm. My father was a hard workin' man most of his life. Not that I can say the same for myself. I mostly just sat around out there in the shed, tinkerin' with a lawn mower or two. Went to school off and on from time to time, but the children out there, very cruel to me, made quite a bit a sport of me, make fun of me quite a bit. So mostly, I just sat around out there. In the shed. My daddy worked down there at the saw mill, the plainer mill, for an old man named Dixon. Old man Dixon was very cruel feller. Didn't treat his employees very well, didn't pay 'em too much a wage, didn't pay my daddy too much a wage. Just barely enough to get by on, I reckon, mhm. But I reckon he got by alright. Hmm. I used to come out, one or the other of 'em. Usually my mother, feed me pretty regular, mhm. I know he made enough where I could have mustard and biscuits three or four times a week. Mhm. But old man Dixon, he had a boy. His name was Jesse Dixon. Jesse was really more cruel than his daddy was. He used to make quite a bit a sport with me, when i was down there at the school house. he used to take advantage of little girls there in the neighborhood an' all. He used to say that my mother was a very pretty woman. He said that quite a bit from time to time when I'd be down there at the school house. Well... I reckon you want me tu get on with it and tell you what happened, so I reckon I'll tell ye. I was sittin' out there in the shed one evening, not doin' too much of nothin', just starrin' at the wall, waitin' on my mother to come out and give me my Bible lesson. Mhm. Well, I heard a commotion up there in the house. Mhm. So I run up on the screened-in porch to see what was a-goin' on. I looked in the window there and saw my mother layin' on the floor without any clothes on, hmm. Mhm-hmm. I seen Jesse Dixon layin' on top of her, hmm. He was havin' his way with her. Hmm. Well, I just seen red. I picked up a Kaiser Blade that was sittin' there by the screen door. Some folks call it a Sling Blade, I call it a Kaiser Blade. It's kindly a wood handle, kind of like an axe handle. With a long blade on it shaped kinda like a bananer. Mhm. Sharp on one edge, and dull on the other. Mhm. It's what the highway boys use to cut down weeds and whatnot. Well, I went in there, in the house, and I hit Jesse Dixon upside the head with it, knocked him off my mother, mhm. I reckon that didn't quite satisfy me. So I hit him again with it in the neck, the sharp edge, and just plumb near cut his head off, killed him. My mother she jumped up and started hollerin' "What'd you kill Jesse fur? What'd you kill Jesse fur?" Well... come to find out I don't think my mother minded what Jesse was a-doin' to her. I reckon that made me madder that what Jesse'd made me. So I take the Kaiser Blade, some folks call it a Sling Blade, I call it a Kaiser Blade, and I hit my mother upside the head with it. Killed her.