Ashton Kutcher Monologues

Yeah, most chaps throw them away. I like the idea that tomorrow somebody's going to see them floating by, wonder where they come from, behind the mystery of it all. I used to, actually, put them together and practice new designs with them and drop them off at a random doorstep with notes in it: "Somebody out there loves you". And they get to thinking, "What if they found out that somebody me? Would they want me to be the one that loves them?"

When I was a kid, most of the advice that my dad gave me was crap. But there's one thing that he said that was pure genius… he said, if you're ever with a girl that's too good for you, marry her.

Love is the only shocking act left on the planet.

You don't keep inklings to yourself! You share them! You're like hey guy, I got an inkling you're headed for a fall here! That's what friends do, that's common knowledge, it's in the damn handbook!

That's what I'm doing here. Because apparently everyone and their mother felt that way but nobody had the guts to tell me. And now, I'm left with some stupid ring and an empty closet and an ache in my gut the size of Texas because nobody told me.

Your parents, wait, hold on, wait a second, just because your parents had a bad divorce doesn't mean that you're going to have a bad divorce. They're not hereditary, it's not like it's contagious.