Adam Devine Monologues

Relationships are about intangible things. They're about moments. The real moments and who you share them with. And the realest moments that I've had over the past three years have been with you.

There's been times when you've hated me, and there's been times when you're hit me with trees, and then, there's been times when… you've been my only friend.

It was the perfect first date. But I waited too long, and then I got... hugged.

Everything does happen for a reason. Or maybe they don't. Or maybe Max was right. Or maybe I'm just a stripper.

Why do you keep hitting me with trees?

I thought things were suppose to happen for a reason.

Carrie, for the past three years, I've been pining over what I thought was destiny. But, no matter what I would do, Ethan would end up connecting with Avery, and I would always seem to connect with you.

All that stuff about them finding each other and falling in love, all in one night?

Don't fall in love! She's gonna rip your heart out!

If only I could go back, and do everything differently. I could be the kind of guy she would want.

Something unexplainable is happening to me, Max. Look at all these papers. They all have the exact same date. It's the exact same date on them. Where am I? How did I get here? What is happening to my life?