Tony Lip

Tony Lip Monologues

The world's full of lonely people afraid to make the first move.

You know, my father used to say, whatever you do, do it 100%. When you work, work. When you laugh, laugh. When you eat, eat like it's your last meal.

It's amazing you said that. "How 'bout some quiet time?" Dolores, my wife, used to say that all the time... Well, not all the time but, y'know, she says it when, when I come home from work sometime, you know, she been with the kids all day and she'll say, "Tony? How 'bout some quiet time?" Exactly like how you said it! I mean, it's amazing...

It's like what your friend the President said, "Ask not... Your country, what you could do for it. Ask what you do for yourself." Y'know?

Trained? What are you, a seal? People love what you do! Anyone can sound like Beethoven or Joe Pan or them other guys you said. But your music, what you do? Only you can do that!

Of course I don't want you to miss a show, you ungrateful bastard! You think I'm doing this for my health? Tonight I saved your ass! So show a little appreciation, maybe! Besides, I told you never to go nowhere without me!

You're saying just 'cause I'm white and they're white? You know, that's a very prejudiced thing you just said there. A very prejudiced thing. I got more in common with the Hymies at 2nd Avenue Deli than I do with these hillbilly pricks down here.

Dear Dolores, how are you? I am fine. I'm eating real good. Hamburgers mostly. So don't worry about me not eating good. I saw Dr. Shirley play the piano tonight. He don't play like a colored guy. He plays like Liberace, but better. He's like a genius, I think. When I look at him in the rear-view mirror, I can tell he's always thinking about stuff in his head. I guess that's what geniuses do. But it don't look fun to be that smart. I miss you very, very much.

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