Efraim Diveroli Monologues

When does telling the truth ever help anybody?

Everyone’s fighting over the same pie and ignoring the crumbs. I live on crumbs. Like a rat.

Sorry. Don’t worry, I have to go first, I’m American.

All the money is made between the lines.

They don’t want to, they have to. Remember Little League? How, at the end of the season, they’d give out that big MVP trophy and that one kid would always win it?

Right. But then, one year, somebody’s mom complained? Then they had to give everybody a little trophy so they wouldn’t feel bad? Even that fat retarded kid. Robbie Friedman, got one. That’s kind of like what’s happening here.

The Pentagon fucked up when they were rebuilding the Iraqi Army. They gave all these no-bid contracts to Cheney’s boys, and they got caught. So Bush started this initiative to level the playing field and now every Pentagon purchase, every gun, every grenade, every bullet, gets offered to small businesses for bidding. And sure, the big dogs still get the big trophies. But the Pentagon’s got to give little trophies to all the Robbie Friedmans of the world.

Iraq is dope. I’m thinking about getting a place there.

You keep supplying the guns, we’ll keep killing the bad guys. God bless you.

I think you should come work for me.

This isn’t about being pro-war. This is about being pro-money.

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