Keanu Reeves Monologues

Detective. What if I told you that God and the devil made a wager, a kind of standing bet for the souls of all mankind?

Humor me. No direct contact with humans. That would be the rule. Just influence. See who would win.

Who knows. Maybe just for the fun of it. No telling.

You're right. We're born capable of terrible things, but then sometimes something else comes along and gives us just the right nudge.

I guess there's a plan for all of us. I had to die - twice - just to figure that out. Like the book says, He works His work in mysterious ways. Some people like it. Some people don't

I know I'm not one of your favorites. I'm not even welcome in your house. But, I could use a little attention.

So when a half-breed breaks the rules, I deport their sorry ass straight back to hell. I don't get them all, but I've been hoping to get enough to ensure my… retirement.

I'm a suicide, Angela. When I die, the rules say I've got just one place to go...

What would you do if you were sentenced to a prison where half the inmates were put there by you?

Angels and Demons can't cross over onto our plane. So, instead we get what I call half-breeds. The influence peddlers. They can only whisper in our ears. But a single word can give you courage, or turn your favorite pleasure into your worst nightmare. Those with the demon's touch like those part angel, living alongside us. They call it the balance. I call it hypocritical bullshit.

Officially, I was dead for two minutes… but when you cross over, time stops. Take it from me, two minutes in hell is a lifetime.

Paints a different view of Revelations. Says the world will not end by God's hand, but be reborn in the embrace of the damned. Though if you ask me, fire's fire.

You're not my slave, Chas, you're my very appreciated apprentice, like Tonto, or Robin, or that skinny fellow with the fat friend.

When I was a kid, I could see things. Things humans aren't supposed to see. Things you shouldn't have to see.

Is this neutral? Bullshit! You're the only one still playing by the rules, Midnite, and while you've been imitating Switzerland people are dying. Hennessy, Beeman, they were your friends once, too, remember?

I need your help! Consider it a last request.

Two hundred dollar shirt, by the way.

But when you cross over… time stops. Take it from me, two minutes in hell is a lifetime. When I came back… I knew… all the things I could see were real. Heaven and hell are right here. Behind every wall, every window. The world behind the world, and we're smack in the middle.

Why me, Gabriel? It's personal, isn't it? I didn't go to church enough, I didn't pray enough, I… was five bucks short in the collection plate. Why?

When I was a kid, I could see things. Things humans aren't supposed to see. Things you shouldn't have to see. My parents were normal. They did what most people would do. They made it worse. You think you're crazy long enough, you find a way out.

I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.

Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger

and you give me my phone call.

Yeah. That sounds like a really good deal. But I got a better one. How about… I give you the finger… and you give me my phone call?

You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. I know my rights. I want my phone call.

I know that's what it looks like, but it's not. I can't explain to you why it's not. Morpheus believes in something and he was ready to give his life, I understand that now. That's why I have to go.

Because I believe in something.

I believe I can bring him back.

Okey dokey… free my mind. Right, no problem, free my mind, free my mind, no problem, right…

I have these memories from my life. None of them happened.

I'm guilty of cheating on my wife, of being a bad husband, a bad Christian. But I ain't guilty of killing Jessica. I swear to God.

I bet you love your little children, don't you? I bet they need their mama, don't they?

What's your name?

Get your ass out of my house! Don't you threaten me or my kids! Now what I do here is my buisness. And if your wife has any sense, she'll leave you so far behind, you'll never find her. Now you get out of here before I have you thrown in jail!

She's a God damn witch! She's putting spells on every-damn-body in town!

You know what this is? It's a voodoo doll. I'm gonna use this voodoo doll on you. Some of your own medicine. If you don't stop seeing my wife, I'm sticking me a pin in this thing every night, till you learn to leave folks alone.

Messing with the devil's gonna get you burned. Everybody knows that.

Witch!

Get your god damn ass in the truck

I asked her that myself one time. She said I was the only man in town that knew how to fuck.

Buddy, you better mind your own business.

Mother fucker! God damn it! Fuck! Mother fucker!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I know you've spent all morning listening to Mr. Broygo talk; I know you're hungry; what I need to tell you won't take very long at all. I don't like Alexander Cullen. I don't think he's a nice person. I don't expect you to like him. He's been a terrible husband to all three of his wives; he's been a destructive force in the lives of his stepchildren; he's cheated the city, his partners, his employees. He's paid hundreds of thousands of dollas in penalties and fines over the years. I don't like him. I'm going to tell you some things during the course of this trial that are going to make you like him even less. But this isn't a popularity contest; it's a murder trial.

You know what scares me? I quit the case, she gets better... and I hate her for it. I don't want to resent her, John, I've got a winner here. I've got to nail this fucker down, do it fast, and put it behind me. Just get it done. Then - then. - put all my energy into her.

Men kill animals and eat their flesh. Phillipe Moyez killed a goat and he did it at home in a manner consistent with his beliefs. It's certainly not a religious practice performed by everyone, it's not as common as circumcision, it's not as common as the belief that wine transforms into blood, some people handle poisonous snakes to prove their faith, some people walk on fire. Phillipe Moyez killed a goat and he did it while observing his constitutionally protected beliefs. This case is not about keeping goats transporting goats or goat licensing, the city was clearly less concerned with the care of the animals than the manner in which they were slaughtered. The city timed this police action to catch my client exercising his constitutionally protected right to religious freedom.