John Herod Monologues

You must be the fastest gun in the west… That, or the biggest liar.

Oh, but I was, Ace. You see, I was the one that really killed the Terrence brothers, and I doubt if a lying little chickenshit like you was even in the same state.

Like I always say – put a fox in the henhouse and you’ll have chicken for dinner every time.

All I hear from you, you spineless cowards, is how poor you are; how you can’t afford my taxes. Yet somehow, you managed to find the money to hire a gunfighter to kill me. If ya got so much money, I’m just gonna have to take some more. Because clearly some of you haven’t got the message! This is my town! I run everything! If you live to see the dawn, it’s because I allow it! I decide who lives and who dies!

You must be the fastest gun in the west. That or the biggest liar!

Your gunfighter’s dead. Old news.

The rules say you have to accept every challenge. You got a problem with that, scuttle your butt out of town.

You must be the fastest gun in the west. That or the biggest liar!

I’m confused. All I hear from you, you spineless cowards, is how poor you are; how you can’t afford my taxes, my protection. Yet somehow, you managed to find the money to hire a professional gunfighter to kill me. Where’s all this money coming from? What am I to think… If ya got so much to spare, I’m just gonna have to take some more off you. Because clearly you haven’t got the message! This is my town! If you live to see the dawn, it’s because I allow it! I’m in charge of everything! I decide who lives or who dies! Your gunfighter’s dead. Old news.

He’s no preacher. He’s a fraud. If a man is a killer, then that’s what he is. There’s no dishonor. But don’t let that same man suddenly tell me that’s not in his blood anymore. That’s worse than a liar.

You think I do this contest because it’s fun? Look at this town. It’s full of people who’d kill you for your bootlaces. At least this way, I get to face my enemies. They can’t sneak up and shoot me in the back. And of course, I always win.

I don’t win because I’m lucky.

Mm. We’re just wasting this boy’s time, then, aren’t we? I’ll tell you what, I’ll be a good Samaritan. What’s the cheapest gun you got? Not in the case. I mean the cheapest piece of worthless crap you got in the whole miserable store.

What are you doing there? No. The preacher here’s got the Lord on his side. He only needs one bullet. Just one. Otherwise, he might be tempted to shoot his way out of town.

Hello, Cort. I was beginning to worry you wouldn’t make it in time. It’s been a while. I hear you have a mission down in Hermosillo. Is that right? You own a little piece of heaven? Sunshine and cactus flowers and you and the orphan children praying for salvation.

All that work, Cort… all those years of hard work… destroyed for no reason. It must make you angry. You used to be fast. Are you still fast?

Cort was an outlaw, like us. Weren’t you? In fact, he used to ride with me. Of course, that’s all changed now. He’s a man of peace. Wouldn’t hurt a fly.

This is my town! If you live to see the dawn, it’s because I allow it. I’m in charge of everything! I decide who lives or who dies!

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