Luis Valdez
Bob Morales Monologues
Look Rosie, you're not my wife, all right? Stop being such a drag. What the shit's eating you anyway?
What's there to say? It's not my first. Or my last.
I've had one sip of beer tonight and I have to admit it taste like piss to me. You want it?
Old Steve, boy. He always said you were gonna be somebody and I bought it, too. If that's the way Steve wanted it, that's the way it was going to be. Even after he told me, he wasnt my dad. Then once I knew the full score, I realized why he always treated you just a little bit better than me. I'll just hang around and take the leftovers, like a dog. That's how much I loved Steve. Like a goddamn dog.
Shit! No, I want to talk about this right now and you're gonna listen to me!
No man, he set you up to conquer the world and he didn't leave me shit!
Listen to you, coming in here like you own the whole goddamn country. To me, you're always gonna be that little asshole who followed me around in the sticks.
Hey, you're the asshole with all the money, why don't you buy it yourself!
You've been laid yet? I'm serious, I know what your problem is. Sperm pressure, it's scientific.
Come on Rosie, take a hit man! Put a little mota in our love life!
You always worry more about Ritchie? What about me? What about me? I know you don't give a goddamn about me. You had me turned in! You had me locked up!
Look at this. It's Woody Woodpecker and Buzz Buzzard. Hey, this is the real thing. Man they make cartoons here.