Carl Van Loon
Carl Van Loon Monologues
That you would even think that would only show me how unprepared you are to be on your own. I mean, you do know you're a freak? Your deductive powers are a gift from God or chance or a straight shot of sperm or whatever or whoever wrote your life-script. A gift, not earned. You do not know what I know because you have not earned those powers. You're careless with those powers, you flaunt them, and you throw them around like a brat with his trust-fund. You haven't had to climb up all the greasy little rungs. You haven't been bored blind at the fundraisers. You haven't done the time and that first marriage to the girl with the right father. You think you can leap over all in a single bound. You haven't had to bribe or charm or threat your way to a seat at that table. You don't know how to assess your competition because you haven't competed. Don't make me your competition
Have you been talking to anyone?
I know you're not stupid, Eddie, but don't make the classic smart person's mistake, thinking no one's smarter than you.
You're not one of those kind of guys, are you Eddie? We lose you if there's a screen in the room?
And then we'll say, "Godspeed," and your candle will have shed a brief but lovely light.
You don't get sick. You're playing at this level, you get hit by a fucking car, you don't even die.