Jamie Foxx Monologues

You know what they're saying about me? Said I lost something. Said I've gone middle-of-the-road. They might as well say the same thing about you. You were the soul of this band, now every time you're around you're just drunk. The drunk soul of a blind junkie. What a lovely couple.

Come on man, why don't you give me something difficult? "No name."

Uh, piano. Just blew in from Tampa, Florida. Me and my partner, Gossie McGee, came here, you know, want to fatten up our style. Cop some licks from some more experienced cats, you dig?

I hear like you see. Like that hummingbird outside the window, for instance.

Yeah, I know. Ahmet and Jerry sent me my new contract. They're gonna double my royalties.

Now, who told you to do that? Atlantic is family. Just like the Shaw agency.

My ears gotta be my eyes, man. Everything sounds different, you know? That's why I wear hard sole shoes so I can hear the echo of my footsteps off the wall. When I pass by an open doorway the sound changes.

You know that I appreciate everything you guys have done here, Jerry. Ahmet, I'm very proud of the work we've done here together and Atlantic has done pretty good moneywise on my records, haven't they?

You're the ones who taught me that making a record is business and find the best business deal that you can. Now seventy-five cents of every dollar and owning my own masters is a pretty damn good deal. Can you match it?

I love the stories. You know, about fallin' in love, and having love knock you around, and then the pressures of the world on you so tough it makes you feel small. You just want to give your soul to God. You might as well, your ass belongs to him.

Baby, when I walk out that door I walk out alone in the dark. I'm trying to do something ain't nobody ever done in music and business. But I can't do it if I'm alone everywhere I go. I don't wanna be alone here, Bea. Not in my own home. Look, Bea, if you don't understand me, then who will?

I don't care what you call me, man, just as long as my name is on the record.

I want you to promise me something. Promise you won't feel sorry for me just because I'm blind.

Yeah, when I'm up there playin', I mean they really shut up and listen. Nobody lookin' down on me, or no bad dreams. I'm home free.

Leader? If anyone should be getting paid for being the leader I'm the one leading the band.

Tell me if I'm way off, Buddy. You were a stockbroker. Maybe a different wife, maybe kids. You stack your paper, but you say shit like "work hard, play harder." But you play a little too hard. You rack up debt. The type of debt that'd make a white man blush. Maybe you get into a little trouble. Maybe you get your hand caught in the corporate cookie jar. Maybe you leave and run off to the desert. Maybe with your favourite lap dancer in tow. Maybe you disappear into a world consisting of three things: money, sex, drugs, and action.

Queen, huh? Streisand, now Queen. The fuck? What y'all gonna do? Y'all gonna belt out show tunes on the way to the job?

You're a good driver. You're a bad liar, though. In this business, the moment you catch feelings… is the moment you catch a bullet.

Those pigs are in hog heaven. The only way they can ID us is with a Ouija board or some shit.

Darling, do I look like I know a fucking thing about Barbra fucking Streisand?

Yeah. Watch your mouth.

We've all been taught that; "Thou shalt not kill." But hear this: FUCK-THAT-SHIT!

Now to the rest of you, do you have what it takes to be the meanest, the cruelest, the most sadist unforgiving mother fuckers in God's cruel kingdom?

Will you be able to one day say, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest mother fucker in the God damn valley?"

You take what you know, and then you multiply. Please don't use your dicks. They're too small, and I can't count that high. I don't wanna hear, "400,000 inches."

I told you to keep your fucking head down! If you'd listened to me, you'd still be fucking alive right now, stupid fuck!

I could be working with my brother right now. He's got a dry-wall business in Compton. Does the inside of office buildings; you know, the metal studs. I could be his partner, said he'd give me that brand new Dodge Ram Charger. You know, the 318 Magnum? The beast? All indoor work, too, lots of AC. I could sleep with my wife every night, fuck her, maybe; take my kids to school every morning. And I'd run his crews, too, probably increase productivity 40 to 50%. Make $100K a year. Do you know why I don't? Because I love this job. I thank God for every fucking day he gives me in the corps, oorah.

Staff Sergenat Siek. I'm with Surveillance and Target Acquisition. STA. I heard it took six guys to pull that little branding trick on you. And your file says that you ain't dumb either. So you better get unsick most motha fucking rikey-tick, cause' there's a chance that you could be a scout sniper!

Details, gentlemen, details! Details is gonna be the difference between you killing your target or your target killing you.