Midnight Run Monologues

A bounty hunter pursues a former Mafia accountant who is also being chased by a rival bounty hunter, the F.B.I., and his old mob boss after jumping bail.

Is this moron number one? Put moron number two on the phone.

Sidney, siddown, relax, have a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fuckin' thing.

Don't say a word to me, Sidney, don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head.

You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fuckin' pencil. Do you understand me?

Sidney, relax. Have a cream soda. Everything's gonna be all over with in a few minutes.

I thought you said this guy was gonna be on the plane.

"That's the information we got." I'm gonna tell you something. I want this guy taken out, and I want him taken out fast. You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. You get the message?

This is it. Tonight is the fucking night. I am tired of all these screw-ups. As soon as I get the discs from Walsh, you guys drop Walsh and then you drop the Duke. You understand? I get the discs, you drop them.

So I'm finally in the presence of greatness, huh? The Duke. The guy that steals money from the scum of the earth and gives it to the unfortunates of the world. I wanted to meet you face to face. Did you actually think that you were gonna steal my money and get away with it? I stopped by here to tell you two things. Number one is that you're gonna die tonight. Number two, I'm gonna go home, have a nice hot meal, I'm gonna find your wife and I'm gonna kill her, too.

I'm gonna blow-torch the both of yous if you don't bring back the Duke.

Well, if Walsh is that good, Tony, maybe I should hire him to hit YOU.

Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho. No, no, no, wait a minute, I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, no, wait, I'm in Casper, Wyoming. I'm in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.

I am not talking to you, I am talking to the other guys.

Well, let me describe the scene to you. There are these guys, see? They've probably been up for like two days. They stink of B.O., they have coffee breath, they're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long, they're sitting in a van, and they're probably parked right up the street from your office, Eddie. YOUR PHONE IS TAPPED!

I know my rights. You owe me phone calls.

Ten years for impersonating a fed, huh?

How comes no one's after you?

I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I gotta check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck.

What?

No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that, pal.

What does that mean?

I'll tell you what: if you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from "fistophobia".

You wouldn't have change for a thousand, would ya?

Looks like I'm walkin'.

Can I ask you something? These sunglasses, they're really nice: are they government-issued, or all you guys go to the same store to get them?

What the - -YOU LIED TO ME FIRST!

How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

I never took a payoff in my life and I'm not gonna start with someone like you.

Because you're a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you're going and I'm gonna take you there and if I hear any more shit outta you: I'm gonna fucking bust your head and I'll put you back in that fucking hole and I'm gonna stick your head in the fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it stay there.

Eddie... I'll do it for a hundred-thousand.

Maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm tired of getting shot at. I'm tired of this miserable fucking business, every low-life that I run into. If you're going to pay me, you gotta pay me what's right. You want me for this job, gimme what's right.

Can I get my money first?

You? Never. You would never try to stiff me.

I've known you for all of two mins & already I don't like you

You can FLY, you son of a bitch?

What am I telling you for… What am I telling you for… What am I… I'll tell you what I'm telling you for

Where am I? I'm at the airport! And guess who I'm with? I'm with the Duke!

Yeah, you wanna say hello?

Yeah, say hello!

Yeah! Now say goodbye, you lying little piece of shit, because I'm letting him go!

Shit, there's goes my hundred grand!

Yeah. What's he paying you?