Sydney Pollack Monologues

Listen, Bill. Nobody killed anybody. Someone died. It happens all the time. Life goes on. It always does, until it doesn't. But you know that, don't you?

Bill, I don't think you realize how much trouble you got yourself into last night just by going over there. Who do you think those people were? Those were not just some ordinary people. If I told you their names… no, I'm not going to tell you their names… but if I did, I don't think you'd sleep so well at night.

Okay Bill... let's cut the bullshit, alright? You've been way out of your depth for the last 24 hours! You want to know what kind of charade? I'll tell you exactly what kind. That whole play-acted, "take me" phony sacrifice that you've been jerking off with had nothing to do with her real death. The truth is, nothing happened to her after you left that party that hadn't happened to her before. She got her brains fucked out. Period!

Bill... What the hell did you think you were doing there? I couldn't... I couldn't even begin to imagine how you'd even heard about it, let alone got yourself through the front door. And then I remembered seeing you talking with that prick piano player, Nick... or whatever the fuck his name was, at my party here the other night. And it didn't take much to figure out the rest.

Of course it was Nick's fault! If he hadn't mentioned this to you in the first place, none of this would have happened. I recommended that little cocksucker to those people, and now he's made me look like a complete asshole by telling you about it!

I know you didn't, Bill. But I also know that you went to Nick's hotel this morning and spoke with the desk clerk.

Because I had you followed.

Okay, yes I had you followed. I owe you an apology. I'm sorry. But it was for your own good. I know you went to Nick's hotel looking for him and I know what the desk clerk told you. But what the desk clerk didn't tell you was that those two men with Nick… all they did was drive Nick to the airport and put him on a plane back to Seattle. I assure you that Nick is safely back home and he's probably banging Mrs. Nick as we speak.

Yeah? Okay, so Nick had a bruise. But that's the least he deserved for telling you about that party the other night.

Yes, finally. But not because you didn't know it. It's because there was no second password. Of course it didn't help you too much that those people arrived there in limos… and you showed up in a taxi. Or that when they took your coat, they found the receipt to the costume from the rental house in your pocket made out to you-know-who.

Bill, I... I know what happened to you last night. And I know what's been going on since. And I think you just might have got the wrong idea about one or two things.

Please, Bill... no games. I was there. At the house. "The house". I saw you, Bill. I saw everything.

Alice, look at you! God, you're absolutely stunning! And I don't say that to all the women, do I?