Glengarry Glen Ross Monologues

An examination of the machinations behind the scenes at a real estate office.

You're talking about what? You're talking about… bitching about that sale you shot, some son-of-a-bitch who don't wanna buy land, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth. Let's talk about something important. They all here?

Put that coffee down! Coffee's for closers only. You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you! I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levine? You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?

You certainly don't, pal, 'cause the good news is... you're fired. The bad news is... you've got, all of you've got just one week to regain your jobs starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's sit. Oh? Have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. Get the picture? You laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money to get their names to sell them. You can't close the leads you're given, then you can't close shit! You ARE shit! Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it 'cause you are going OUT!

Fuck you! That's my name! You know why, mister? You drove a Hyundai to get here. I drove an $80,000 red BMW that's parked right outside. THAT'S my name! And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't close them... then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: Get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me, you fucking faggots? A-B-C. A... Always, B... Be, C... Closing. Always be closing. ALWAYS BE CLOSING! A-I-D-A. Attention, Interest, Decision, Action. Attention: Do I have your attention? Interest: Are you interested? I know you are, 'cause it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks. Decision: Have you made your decision for Christ? And Action. A-I-D-A. Get out there! You've got the prospects coming in. You think they came in here to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk on the lot lest he wants to buy. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? What's the problem, pal? You... Moss.

This watch costs more than your car. I made $970,000 in sales commissions last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. You're a nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here? Close! You think I'm too hard on you? You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? If you can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight with the leads and materials you've got and make myself $15,000. Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can YOU? Go and do likewise. A-I-D-A. Get mad you son of a bitches! Get mad! You want to know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes BRASS BALLS to sell real estate! Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there. You pick it up, it's yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close. CLOSE! It's yours. If not, you're gonna be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying - a bunch of losers sittin' around in a bar? 'Oh yeah. I used to be a salesman. It's a tough racket.' These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They're for closers. I'd wish you all good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.

And to answer your question, pal, why am I here? I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to. They asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass, because a loser is a loser!

All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you're going to regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer? I'm going to tell you something: we're all queer. You think you're a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheat on your wife? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There's an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, go ahead, be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me.

"Patel"? Fuck you. Fucking Shiva handed this guy a million dollars, told him "Sign the deal!" he wouldn't sign. And the god Vishnu too, into the bargain. Fuck you, John! You know your business, I know mine. Your business is being an asshole. I find out whose fucking cousin you are, I'm going to go to him and figure out a way to have your ass - fuck you! I'm waiting for the new leads.

You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, shithead. You just cost me $6,000. Six thousand dollars, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it, asshole? You're fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men? Oh, I'm gonna have your job, shithead.

WHAT YOU'RE HIRED FOR, is to help us… does that seem clear to you? TO HELP US, not to… FUCK US UP… to help those who are going out there to try to earn a living… You fairy. You company man.

What you're hired for is to help us. Does that seem clear to you? To help us, not fuck us up. To help men who are going out there to try to earn a living, you fairy. You company man. I'll tell you something else, I hope you ripped the joint off, I can tell your friend here a little something might help him to catch you. You want to learn the first rule? You'd know if you spent a day in your life. Don't ever open your mouth 'till you know what the shot is. You're a fucking child.

You filed it, that puts me over the fuckin' top, I want my Cadillac. I don't wanna hear no fuckin' shit and I don't give a shit. Lingk puts me over the top. You filed it, it went downtown, now you owe me the car.

I'm going to tell you something. Your life is your own. You have a contract with your wife? You have certain things you do jointly? Bond there. And there are other things, and those things are yours. And you needn't feel ashamed, you needn't feel that you're being untrue. Or that *she* would abandon you if she knew. This is *your* life.